Be careful, fast daters: You must be really selective and careful if you want a healthy love life.
That’s the end result of research conducted by the scientists from Northwestern University. The scientists set up speed-dating sessions for 156 college students, and then assessed how the degree of the daters’ selectivity influenced the number of their matches.
The scientists discovered that daters who chose the majority of the potential partners offered were frequently rejected.
"If you are not selective in your attitude, people are going to be able to tell and are not going to like it," stated Eli J. Finkel, a co-author of the research, due to be published in the April issue of Psychological Science.
It means that he said: "You look desperate."
Seem not to look desperate
For many years, specialists in relationship have been convinced that one of the best methods to get someone to like you for platonic friendships, at least is to inform them of your liking for them, explained Finkel, assistant professor of psychology at Northwestern University in Evanston, Ill.
However, according to the latest research, this obviously doesn’t hold true for romantic relationships.
"When you usually like everyone in a romantic context, it doesn’t have this ‘What a friendly guy,’ ‘What a nice girl’ tone," Finkel added. "It has a more desperate component to it."
Nevertheless, he warned, "Even the slightest tinge of despair will not be attractive."
Be choosy
The students participating in the research talked for 4 minutes each with 9 to 13 opposite-gender persons, all potential "matches." After every meeting, they answered several questions about whether they liked the potential partner and if they were sexually attracted. After they left, they recorded on research Web site whether or not they would be keen on meeting the other people.
Mutual positive answers were given contact information for each other.
Selectivity appeared to be essential in getting good matches, explained Paul Eastwick, a Northwestern University graduate student who served as the lead author of the research.
"We are aware that to the extent you liked everyone, you tend not to be liked," Eastwick added.
However, selectivity worked. "If you like fast dating, and you like one [date] more than the other dates, that person is more probable to like you back," he explained.
Eastwick claims that the research underscores "the significance of making a date feel unique or special even in the first 4 minutes."
Eastwick and his colleagues didn’t have any concrete advice, however, on what attraction "cues" work best in making couples click. Nevertheless, the scientists hope to audio and videotape dates to find out what people are doing in order to convey "unique liking" as it is happening.
Do not play too hard to get
Another specialist, Susan Sprecher, a professor of sociology and psychology at Illinois State University, Normal, praised the methodology of the research.
She referred to other studies that discovered that playing hard to get with everyone was not always effective.
"But playing selectively hard to get does work," she explained. The prospective partner that you like needs to get the idea that it would be difficult for anyone else to get you, but not him or her.
